1. What Are “Cuckoldry” and “Hotwife”?
“Cuckolding is a sexual interest, or fetish, in which usually a partner (usually a woman) has sex with another man,” says sex-positive psychotherapist Dr. Liz Powell. “It also can involve aspects of humiliation and embarrassment including talking about how small the husband’s genitalia is.” The cuckold is the partner who watches their wife, or partner (while many married couples do enjoy it, you don’t have to be married, or straight, to enjoy cuckolding) have sex with the bull. The bull, or the other man, may be more sexually dominant. The bull is often the “guest star,” or someone outside of the primary relationship. What’s in it for the bull? Well, fucking the hot wife, of course, and the satisfaction of watching the quivering husband in the corner
The partner who has sex with the bull is often referred to as the “hot wife.” While the two terms can be used to describe the same scenario, hotwifing can be different from cuckolding. “It all depends on the specific dynamic that they’ve worked out. Hotwifing as opposed to cuckolding puts the focus on the wife. Cuckolding tends to have more of an air of degradation and humiliation,” Dr. Powell says. Sometimes a couple who enjoys hotwifing wants the focus to be on how desirable (hot) the wife is. “Hotwifing is about celebrating your wife’s attractiveness, and sharing her with others,” Dr. Powell says. “There’s also a locus of control difference. A lot of times cuckolding the locus of control is placed in the woman who is having sex with other people, where with hotwifing a lot of times the locus of control is placed in the male spouse.”
The hotwife may have several other male partners that she sleeps with on her own without the husband present. For the hotwife, the experience is often one of dominance, worship, and power. “As the woman doing the cuckolding, it can be very exciting and empowering to have a different sexual partner, especially when your man is fully in support of you having a wonderful experience,” says Goddess Aviva, a New York City-based professional and lifestyle dominatrix.
2. How Does Cuckoldry Work?
For as many couples that exist in the world, there are ways to cuck. Sometimes, the cuck will literally be in the corner of the room while another man fucks his wife. He may be tied up and forced to watch while his wife verbally berates him that she can’t get enough of the big, hot man with the giant penis plowing her. The husband may jerk off. He may not be allowed to jerk off. The husband may not be present. Sometimes, after the hot wife goes out and fucks someone else, then she’ll have sex with the husband when she gets home if she feels up to throwing him a bone.
You can get creative with cuckolding. Aside from cuckolding with their wives, many men seek out professional dominatrixes for the experience. “My experience ranges from having men buy lingerie or outfits that I’ll wear on a date with a different man, to organizing cuck scenes with favored partners, to having cuck slaves supply me with condoms and sex toys I use with other men and having them clean up after sexy dates (washing sheets, pickup up used condoms, etc.). There are so many fun ways to incorporate cuckolding into your relationships,” Goddess Aviva says.
3. Why Do Some Men Enjoy Being Cuckolded?
Some people get off on erotic humiliation, or consensual psychological humiliation. For women, a common example of this is enjoying being called some variety of a “dirty slut.” Such dirty talk is part of a D/S, or dominant and submissive, relationship. When the man is the submissive partner, or cuck, what often gets him off is being told that he has a tiny penis, or is wimpy and pathetic, and can never please his wife like another man can. The bedroom can be a safe space to explore our shadow selves or insecurities, which may be why some submissive women like being called slut and submissive men enjoy being emasculated. “A lot of this stems from the pressure that comes from being a male in a patriarchal society. Men are expected to top. Men are expected to sexually control their partners. Men are supposed to initiate sex,” says Ms. Tomorrow, a Nashville-based dominatrix. And speaking of leaning into insecurities, she adds that often cucks do have small penises. So rather than hide them, they decide to get off on the shame. Ms. Tomorrow adds that many of the cucks who see her are in vanilla relationships and fear they cannot discuss their submissive cuck side with their wives.
Along with humiliation, and consensual power exchange of dominant and submissive relationships, some people experience compersion, or pleasure through their partner’s pleasure. Compersion is a term often used by polyamorous people, swingers, and can refer to getting off on your partner getting off. Couples may find that compersion heightens their own sexual relationship. And sometimes, it’s just hot to watch your partner fuck someone else.
4. What Should You Know If You Want To Try It?
Ms. Tomorrow’s first piece of advice is to be honest with your partner. Honesty within relationships is not only the building block of trust and communication, but important to have a healthy sex life. How can you enjoy your sexual interests if you can’t express them?
If you’re a married couple looking to try cuckolding or hotwifing, first consider if this is something you want to actually do in real life. Sometimes our fantasies signify how we want our sex life to look, and other times, they’re just sexual fantasies that we’d rather not act out. So, before you find a bull, watch some cuckolding porn. Or, you may simply want to dirty talk to one another. Perhaps you’re a man with a submissive side, but you don’t want your partner to really sleep with someone else. Verbally role-play by describing being fucked by someone else while the two of you have sex, or she can describe a scenario while you masturbate.
Has it been a little too long since the last time you got lucky? If you’re looking to meet someone who’ll be down to hook up with you (and who isn’t looking for a relationship), take a look at these hookup sites:
REAL SEX CONTACTS
AskMen Recommends: Real Sex Contacts, a hookup site featuring millions of users across the globe, is all about helping you meet people who are looking for sex rather than a lengthy relationship, which makes it perfect for a couple looking for a bull.
BRITISH MATURE SEX
AskMen Recommends: Similar to Real Sex Contacts, British Mature Sex is a “no strings attached” type of hookup site featuring tons of real accounts with uncensored, explicit profile photos. Since the site’s aim is to help people satisfy their sexual urges and explore their kinky cravings, it could be the idea place to find someone to cuckold you.
REAL BRITISH SEX
AskMen Recommends: This is chock-full with a ton of users, so good chance you’ll find someone who shares your kink no matter where you live. If you’re not ready to commit to an in-person cucking, the site also lets you engage in cybersex with other users, making it a great option for anyone looking to experiment.
If you decide to go through with it, you’ll need pick a bull. Sometimes people want a random person, as a stranger is likely to come with less emotional connections than a close friend. “Some people prefer to have a stranger that they don’t know, and I think that’s related to fears about jealousy,” Dr. Powell says. “In terms of emotional and physical and social safety, I think it’s often preferable to bring in someone who you already trust.” But let’s slow down: Before you reach out to a third person, talk about it within the relationship. What do you want the scene to look like? Does the submissive partner get to watch, or do they want to be stuck at home, knowing their wife is out getting banged by another man? Do you already have a friend in mind? If you’re already involved in swinger groups, a play party scene, or a kink community, that’s the best place to find someone to play with.