2018 was the year of the ass, and there have been whispers that boobs are making a comeback in 2019. First of all, who made women’s body parts trends? (Besides the dad bod, we’ve rarely trended men’s body parts.) Regardless, when I was asked if ass-eating is over, my immediate reaction was god, I hope not. We’ve finally started to make strides to erase stigmas we’ve perpetuated for years: that ass play is gross, unsanitary, and not as pleasurable as other sex acts. But misinformation is still running rampant.
In fact, I had a friend tell me just this year that he had some concerns about eating ass.
“Couldn’t you… like… get cholera from something like that?”
After almost falling off the bed laughing, I informed him that the only way you could get cholera from ass eating is by… eating the ass of someone who has cholera. And while I’m no expert, I’d venture to guess that someone with cholera wouldn’t feel up to engaging in any kind of sex.
We still have a long way to go.
Another reason ass-eating season can’t be over is the year of the tits is a subpar replacement. I mean… it’s okay if you like titty-fucking, but we’re no longer in 11th grade. As someone who has been titty-fucked on multiple occasions, I can say with authority that being the recipient of a titty-fuck is one of the most awkward positions of all time. If you want to look down to enjoy the view or if you want to tilt your chin down so you can suck the dick, you do it while cringing because you know what you look like when you open your front-facing camera.
The other problem with tits is people feel pressure to have a chest on the bigger side, which excludes my flat-chested comrades. Some don’t have enough chest on ‘em to push their tits together. But—big or small—everyone has an ass. Ass-eating is an equal opportunity sex act. And it can precede so many other acts. (Relaxation is the key to receiving anal, after all, and what better way to relax that ass than rimming it?) Having my ass eaten is one of my favorite sex acts because it’s something I can’t recreate on my own. There’s no toy that mimics the sensation of ass-eating! So when I find a sex partner who enjoys performing it (and there aren’t many—ass-eating can’t be over until we create more men who are #TeamAss!), I capitalize on the opportunity as much as possible.
Having my ass eaten is one of my favorite sex acts because it’s something I can’t recreate on my own. There’s no toy that mimics the sensation of ass-eating.
Five more big reasons ass-eating can’t be over is—in a similar vein to what Lil’ Kim so famously said—people are still scared of the ass. The men I’ve found who are into it are so few and far between. While talk about ass-eating has gone mainstream, I’d argue the practice certainly hasn’t.
It seems like such a wasted opportunity for those who don’t practice because—my second point— analingus is the easiest sex act to master. There is no technique the way there is for eating pussy, an act that requires a lot of concentration and stamina. There is no specific technique when it comes to ass eating; you don’t need to think hard about it. You can eat ass while composing a grocery list in your head for all I care.
Thirdly, I could also guarantee you that not everyone who is practicing is practicing correctly. There aren’t enough women who are actually enjoying it because—like many sexual acts in porn—we are brainwashed into thinking ass play is meant to be enjoyed on its own and that couldn’t be further from the truth. Combined with clitoral stimulation (or, even better, clitoral and g-spot stimulation) rimming is literal heaven. It’s a unique sensation because, listen, there are a lot of nerve endings back there! The asshole is a mere inch away from the vulva. Lighting up all three pleasure centers at once is triple the fun.
The sense of intimacy built between two analingus partners is stronger than a run-of-the-mill 20 minutes of missionary sexual encounter.
Next, the sense of intimacy built between two analingus partners is stronger than a run-of-the-mill 20 minutes of missionary sexual encounter. Hell, I’m going to end up leaving more money in my will to the guys who’ve eaten my ass well than family because those dudes know me better than, say, certain family members I see once every other year. Analingus requires a kind of vulnerability that isn’t present in other kinds of sex. If you’re the one on your stomach spreading your cheeks, thoughts like “Did I shave adequately?” and “God, I hope I cleaned well enough” or “Do my hemorrhoids make my asshole look like a chewed piece of grape bubble gum?” undoubtedly fly through your head. If you’re the one diving neck-deep into that peach emoji to lick that very, very small pit (oh god, that’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever written)—staring right into the third eye of your partner is a very intimate position. On the topic of intimacy, I’d be remiss not to mention the literal pain in the ass of prepping for anal and analingus—if I eat an apple for lunch and skip dinner, it means I actually like you. I care. I don’t skip a taco bar for just anyone.
Lastly, ass eating can’t be over because it’s an excellent gateway drug to other anal play, whether it be the use of toys or penetration. Most people don’t know it’s important to use lube for anal (because the anus doesn’t self-lubricate like a vagina does) and, furthermore, that a different kind of lube specifically for anal should be used instead of the junky garbage lube purchased at a drugstore. There is an entire toy sector devoted to ass play that is largely untapped (heh) by the vast number of hetero couples. We have yet to make the basics of anal play (prep, only playing with toys that have a handle or a flared base so things don’t get lost inside you, how to experiment with pleasure via stimulation of the surrounding areas) widely known. Once I hear “Well, duh!” from everyone I explain anal play to, hunting ass should remain in open season.
Until ass play is normalized in hetero sexual encounters without internal shrieks of “it’s weird!” or “this is gross!” or “does liking this make me gay?” and everyone is an anal expert, we can’t close the book on ass-eating. Let’s get more people incorporating toys into the bedroom, let’s get people knowing that anal should be combined with genital stimulation (if it feels better to them), let’s make the ABCs of anal common knowledge, and let’s remove the dumb stigmas before we start talking about ending a trend prematurely. Forget your cheeks—let’s get to work on spreading something else: the anal gospel. To get laid tonight join Available For Sex now.